you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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