smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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