Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
