Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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