If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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