he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
