did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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