There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize