You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
