at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
