God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
