i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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