Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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