after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
