And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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