my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
