I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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