So drunk its hurt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
