I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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