haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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