So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
