walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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