Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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