just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize