"it" just moved
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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