just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
