Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize