I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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