I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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