so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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