Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
