I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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