my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
