it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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