he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
