you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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