The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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