I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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