:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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