Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
