My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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