I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
