Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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