Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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