thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
