I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
