My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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