I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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