He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
