So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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