Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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