some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
