Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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