You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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