My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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