He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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