Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
