He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
