I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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