I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
