I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
