Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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