I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
