i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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