I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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