Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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