My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
